Movie Line Quiz

Ok I thought that this might be another way to look like I’m doing something important in class, on the computer.

Good Luck – and sorry if I don’t have recent movies since I live in this cultural bubble called JAPAN.

Please answer back in “comments” area, movie title is fine.

1) “We go together like peas and carrots.”


2) “It’s O_________’s fault, he’s always holding me back.”


3) “Michael Jackson didn’t come to use the bathroom… but his sister did.”


4) “You know what the difference between you and me is? I make this look real good.”

5) “I want you to kiss me like you kiss her.”

6) “Are you crying? There’s no crying in baseball!”

7) “I brought you all down here to back me up but the only person on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer.”

8) “Guys don’t tell. You know that right? Only chicks tell. You’re not a chick are you?”

9) “Vulva! Anus licker!!”

10) “Tell me about … stud.”

11) “Who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew?”

12) “I’ll let you have anything you can carry, anything.”

13) “Assssssssss Youuuuuuuuu Wiiiiiiissssssshhhhhh.”

14) “Can I have my stapler?”

15) “Stuttering Stanley, Stuttering Stanley, Stuttering Stanley!

16) “I don’t want to hear anything, ‘cause if I come back in here, I’m cracking skulls.”

Could this week BE anymore longer?

Thank God that Friday has come at last! I don’t think I could of lived if I ad one more work day this week. I have come to the conclusion that spending anymore than one week in one junior high school is too much for the brain to handle. This is only my first round to all the junior high schools so most of my lessons have been introduction lessons but after those are done with the day/week just becomes too long. For example it’s my last day at Baikei until October. But I was here for two straight weeks and already this past week I was looking for every excuse to get the hell out of this school. Maybe I’m exaggerating but in an 8 hour day, if you were only given something to do for 2 hours what would you do with the other 6? You have your over achieving people that say that with the six hours one could produce lesson plans, lesson materials, and etc. But honestly can you really work for 6 hours straight racking your brain on how to come up with a game for the language function, “I watched __________ last night?”

So what is Chris to do? Well for one he brings his laptop to school and writes blogs on WORD and then tries to get away with doing something important when he really is running his virus scans, organizing downloaded stuff, and cleaning out his hard drive.

So here I am again with 2 lessons for the day. Today might go a little faster since the students don’t have a 6th period which becomes club time. It’s my last day so maybe I can get away with watching anime again with “the Rock’. Actually “The Rock” isn’t too bad now. I was able to crack her open. She seems like anime and manga but when I first showed them anime they weren’t really interested because of all the fighting. When the 1st graders went on their class trip I showed her a high school comedy anime and she totally liked it. Today the 1st graders have an off day so I might just be watching the high school comedy one for 2 hours today. I guess it can’t be too bad.

In other news, Lisa is coming down today! She arrives at her usual 9-ish time. I don’t know why but I’ve been kind of excited to have Lisa come over and look at our new place. She’s been to the other place but our new place is triple the “awesomticity.” Moving made me realize how much money we could have saved if we just decided to live together when we first came down. My friend Kevin explained it as, “We’re people living in sin. You’re not supposed to live with a significant other until your married.” But it’s the 21st century and people are doing it all over the world. Nothing you can do about it now but … yeah… I’m excited for Lisa to see our new place.

Knowing Lisa, she probably has a list of things she wants to do but we might have to throw her list out since we’ve been invited to play kickball again! I pretty sure she would play… right? Those that think Lisa will play kickball raise your hand…. anybody…. no yeah well I thought so too. But the way I see it is that if Krystal plays than I’m sure that Lisa would too. That way everyone could meet Lisa and whenever we talk about her, the other JETs would have a name to match a face.

It’s been a while since we went karaoke, so maybe we could do that tonight. Lisa sent me a text that she was going to eat a snack on the train so that when she came to Kyoto we could go somewhere to eat. Typical Lisa…

Break It Down!

School Daze

Another slow day at work. All of the 1st graders went to Yama no Ie (literal translation: Mountain’s house) today for a class trip. You might also remember the original name Camp Wannabitchsumor. I guess they would have more fun since they don’t have to deal with the hellions. With all the 1st graders gone the school feels so small. I kind of wish I could have went with them. Krystal was saying how she wouldn’t go if her school asked her but I think the first graders here are pretty good and it would be fun just playing around. I bet they would use all the facilities that we didn’t get to use at the kids camp.

We had our reflection meeting yesterday after work to talk about Camp Wannabitchsumor. It went pretty well and I tried not to bitch too much but when I started to get into the groove of pointing out everyone else’s faults I couldn’t stop. Well actually it wasn’t that bad it’s just that some people shouldn’t be volunteers and others should be more about discipline then being the kids’ best friends. I’m exaggerating because it wasn’t that bad. We actually had a lot of constructive criticism. It seems like the next cap is gonna be much better than this past one.

Well I was supposed to go to school today but I got permission to go to education center today since I didn’t have any lessons. Anyway no one is here and it’s kind of boring but at least I can pretend to work and watch anime or blog instead. Actually I tried going on AIM but it seems like you need a stronger connection than surfing the internet. I feel bad since I keep trying to talk to Joel but after a few sentences I get booted off. Sorry Joel.

So Lisa is supposed to go come tomorrow. We have an end of the year conference for JET people and it’s in Kobe! I heard so much about Kobe and how they have some really good food and cool places to go. I guess I’m looking forward to Lisa coming since the last time I saw her was in January. I think it‘s been the longest period of time without seeing her. I even did the gentlemanly thing and sold my JACK Johnson ticket so I could spend some time with her. We couldn’t get her tickets so I told Krystal to go and I could spend some time with Lisa. I know we’re probably gonna just watch anime or something but at least she doesn’t have to stay home by herself. And LISA DON’T WORRY I’m not the biggest JACK Johnson fan so I don’t mind at all. I rather go to a more rock type concert and I’m sure I’ll have a lot more chances so no worries.

Hopefully I can pretend to work the whole time. It is supposed to be a full 8 hour day even if I’m not doing anything. I wonder if I have enough anime to keep me company?

5 hours later…

Ok so I have about 35 minutes ago and what have I accomplished? Actually I did do some work. I tried to make a tentative curriculum for the elementary school that I had last year. It was a lot easier if you were a first year since you can pretty much teach anything but going back for the second year you have to think of different things to teach. I was debating for a long time if I should introduce phonics to the sixth graders. I was wondering if they would be able to do it. English language has so many different exceptions that sometimes how anyone could learn how to read, spell, and speak English if you weren’t a native speaker. For example teaching kids back home phonics is a little easier since they already have a vocabulary and they can somewhat tell when a word sounds funny using phonic rules. It seems like it’s gonna be super hard to do it with Japanese kids but at the same time if they got the phonics of English everything else would be cake.

Break it Down

Camp Wannabitchsumor

This past weekend was spent at another camp. A couple of months ago I talked about a camp that me and Krystal volunteered at. Well James and a couple of his closest buddies decided to go and make their own camp program. We had so much fun at the previous camp that we decided to help out again. This time it would be our rules, our games, our ideas, and our say in what goes on in the camp. But it wasn’t a total success.

There were some things that went down that I wasn’t too happy about. First of all the “breed” of kids that participated in the camp were of a pedigree breed. Not so much “perfect and pure” but of wealthy upbringing. I’m assuming. I don’t think there could have been a whinier, spoiled, and disrespectful bunch of kids in one place. Everything was, “this is boring, I don’t wanna do this, why do we have too, can’t we just, and I want this and that.” It was pretty bad. I would say maybe 6-7 kids out of the 20 that we had were decent.

Then there was the “BITCH”. How one could become a BITCH at the young age of 12 is beyond me. I’m not exaggerating too. She was really a BITCH. And guess who’s group she was in. Actually she was ok when I first met her, a little shy, not sure of her communication skills in English or Japanese. We got off on the right foot since we both liked Naruto and we were talking about the show and stuff. But after we got to the camp she felt like she needed to start some popularity gang or something. She started to act really bitchy and what sealed my fate for the weekend was when we started playing with water guns. I was just shooting people and having fun when her friends tried to get me wet. I shot them with the gun, so she decided to come to me and kick me in the shin. Rule of thumb: If a person has a water gun, it’s probably not safe to kick them. She kicked me, so I shot her, in the face. HAHAHA. Anyway she puts on a dramatic performance on me shooting her in the eye and somehow the water gun had the intensity to chip her glasses. I never seen water do that but to her, it did. So from this point, I became the “bad guy” who chipped her glasses. (Which wasn’t true since no way water could do that, and the chip on the lenses were in the exact same place on both lenses.) So I was called names, kicked, and tormented but any kids that thought I was the bad guy. (All the girls) Anyway I tried to say I was sorry for shooting her in the face and she accused me of breaking her glasses. Then she said, “You better give me 200 dollars for these.” I was like sure, not matter what it costs, if I made them chip, I’ll pay. She looked a little startled but then I finished my response, “I’ll talk to your father and if in fact I did it, than I’ll pay whatever it costs.” Then she just said, “Oh well, I didn’t need it anyway.” Can you say BITCH?

The worst part was that she would influence all the kids that had nothing to do with it. Kind of like recruiting KKK members. I was able to break a few kids down but the majority of them still saw me as the guy that broke Mako-chan’s glasses but not really break them.

I guess the worst part of the camp was the food stuff. The one really good meal was that sandwich buffet where you could make whatever sandwich you wanted but then the self-made meals where close to disaster. The first night was barbeque. We were to make shish kebabs and roasted potato things but of course my group couldn’t handle it. The cutting up of the vegetables and meat were fine but when it came to cooking it everyting went downhill. The kids kept playing with the fire, which meant that they kept putting in new logs and sticks to make the flames huge. Anyone would know that when you cook over the open flame, all the flame does is cook the outside. This means you have a super burnt outside and raw inside. The meat therefore was all flash burned, the vegetables were burnt into charcoal, and nothing was edible. They were so impatient that they kept opening the foil of the potatoes so the potatoes were still raw after 2 hours of cooking. And the whole time when I’m trying to fix the chaos the kids were walking around complaining, “I want to eat food”. F’in bastards!

Overall the camp was fine, the kids were fed, they had shelter, and we did all the games and activities that were planned for the trip. The only thing is that I didn’t have fun. I felt that all I did during the camp were scold kids, clean after them, and suppress the rage that came because of the BITCH. At least during the last camp I got to have fun. There are a lot of things that we can do so much better for the next camp. We’re supposed to have a meeting to discuss the camp and all I can say is that I have a lot of stuff on my mind.

Fixing it Up

Randon Thoughts

It’s time again for Random Thoughts.

Why are the kids waiting by the door…
I hope they don’t make a fuss…
Maybe I should say hello…
Kind of hungry…
Just one more class and then its sitting in the staff room again…
Can’t wait until English Club…
I forgot its Friday!
I wonder what we’re gonna eat for dinner tonight…
Probably chicken?
Oh YEAH, we got paid today!
I wonder if Krystal is gonna go to Costco today?
One of the staff guys has a “Crazy Shirt” sweaters on.
Weird…
HAHAHAHA that teacher is rubbing his scalp, bald scalp…
He reminds me of Frankenstein or the troll from Harry Potter…
Family Guy is so funny….
I’m actually watching right now while eating a not so good sandwich…
F’in CRY!
Actually the sandwich isn’t great because there’s no Best Foods in it...
I’m watching the episode where they make a crack about smelly Hawaiians…
You have boobies !!! HAHAHAHA
Just had a long talk with my English teacher tat is sitting next to me about why the japanese textbook for the students sounds so robotic…
Came to the decision that its because the Japanese system teaches English through Keigo…
I can’t even begin to understand tehe levels of Keigo…
(not a random thought but Keigo is the type of honorific language you use when you talk to someone of higher status. For example the language a student uses with his teacher is different when you using with your friends. But in the Japanese culture has so many keigo levels that it gets pretty crazy.)
Uhh, sitting in the staff room again….
Damn I have to wait until 3:30 to something worthwhile….
I guess I could read but I’ve been reading almost everyday….
A little bit over half with The Vampire Lestat…

Hope you enjoyed it!

Memoirs of an Assistant Language Teacher

Don’t fret; it’s just another fancy title for today’s blog. Well anyway I decided to bring my laptop to school today. Usually this is a rare thing since my laptop was not built to be portable as it weighs somewhere around 8-10 pounds. I think my original motive for the laptop was to use it functions as a stereo and a DVD player rather than actual WORD programs or computer things. I mean the graphic cartridge is pretty nice, I have enough memory, and a widescreen monitor. I’m starting to wish that maybe I should have purchased one that was light and indeed was a “portable computer.”


Not that I’m complaining, this computer has been there for me since I got to Japan. Ahh, when I first got here, sitting in my still barren room, watching Kenshin was the only thing that got me through the night. Well there was Krystal but we all know how she likes to fall asleep.

Sitting in the staff room sucks ass! What are you supposed to do in a staff room for hours at a time? Actually, one of my English teachers is sitting right next to me and she’s making props for our lessons today. I guess I could help but making flash cards seem to be a “one person” kind of thing. Actually I’m not even sure if the flash cards she’s making are even for today. See if I were to help her, than the task would be done and then we would BOTH have to pretend to be working. So writing a blog should keep the equilibrium of the empty staff room.

So what is it that we do? So far at this school I have been the Milton Bradley of English activities. They come to me with the day’s lesson. And then its, “Chris do you have activity for today?” Activity meaning “game” to the English Teachers. Even geniuses should have time to think of their masterpieces right? So far I’m 5 for 6. As in they asked me to come up with a game 6 times and only once did I fail them. And that one time that I didn’t think of a game they gave me this like I wasn’t doing my job. It’s as if the roles were reversed and we had a program where Japanese people would come to American schools to teach Japanese. So we finally get them into the class and we just ask them to do funny Japanese things like “how to do a proper kampai, repeat asinine Japanese words like sumimasen and genki desu ka, or do you have any Japanese games?” I wish that they would take things like that into consideration.

Actually the real reason I brought my computer to school. The other day the English teacher asked me to go to the English Club during their period. I guess that would be the proper thing to do since I am sort of like an English teacher special guest. Anyway I go to the class and the room itself is as small as broom closet with a small table in the middle with four laptops. And on the laptops are four girls 1 8th grader and 3 7th graders. What are they doing? They are playing a typing tutor type game. I guess you can say that this is studying English it was pretty sad. Anyway the teacher wanted me to go there because it would have been the perfect opportunity to have a conversation with a native speaker. They asked me a few questions but there was the one girl (8th grader) that I have nicknamed “The Rock.” Is it because she is built like a tank? Is it because she in fact looks like “The Rock?” Is it because she can move her eye brows really high? Is it because she looks like she could play King Kamehameha in a movie?” NO, it’s because she sits there in front of the computer and doesn’t talk. In the beginning of term at this school (a week ago) I have done the obligatory walk around campus a few times and every time I poked my head into the English Club to see what was up and there she was practicing her typing. I tired to be friendly but she would not speak. In fact, I’m not sure even if she acknowledged that I was talking to her. So I gave up on the club. Then I went and had a small interview session with the club and the 7th graders weren’t that bad. In the best English they knew how, asked me some pretty interesting questions. Most of the questions had to do with me when I was in junior high school and it interesting to answer them. But then again “The Rock” didn’t speak. She asked ONE question at a level I’m sure not even her own teeth heard her. But anyway, talking with the other girls I found out they liked Anime and movies. So I offered to bring my computer and watch English movies. They couldn’t decide on a movie to watch so I suggested anime. They thought it was a good idea but the thing is that the anime is in Japanese. So how do I show Japanese language anime in English class? Well you see the anime also comes with English subtitles. So I just promised to pause the anime every once in awhile and ask them about the subtitles. HAHAHAHA I get to watch anime in school and perhaps even broaden the anime knowledge of a few lucky 7th graders and “The Rock.” On today’s program, “Naruto the Movie” or maybe a few episodes. Maybe I can eventually get them to enjoy such classics like, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory or even Goonies. It’s my way to change the world one English Club at a time.

Break it Down

Fourth Stop.... Baikei JHS

Ok so I’m at my new school Baikei J.H.S. It has a homely feeling to it. The school is literally next to the overpass. Well it’s more like a street bridge similar to the one on Keeamoku that goes over the H-1. Then in a perpendicular rail goes the Shinkansen line. Surprisingly you can’t really hear any cars. So first impressions? The school is really small. There are less than 100 students attending the school. My first class today, only had 11 students.

It finally occurred to me that I will be doing introduction lessons until September. I have 5 junior high schools (with at least one class per grade), so 3 grade levels = 3 classes times 5 junior high schools = 15 self-introduction lessons. And as it usually goes one class per visit/per day, 15 self-intros should last about 3 months. Then on top of that I have 7 elementary schools which make it even more complex. I teach from 3rd to 6th grade. That makes 4 grade levels. In elementary school there are usually 2-4 classes per grade. (So let’s just say 3). On one day I can teach a maximum of 4 lessons. So if I were to see one class of one grade level each period in one school than I would be doing (3 classes, one grade times 4 grade levels = 12 classes per school) 12 times the 7 that I am currently scheduled to teach = 89. Take the 89 self-intro lessons divided by the 4 weeks in a month = 21.25 lessons a week. So I should be done with intro lessons sometime in October. April to October?! 6 months of introducing myself seems pretty ridiculous huh? I guess I can’t complain since they pay me to do it. Oh and if you were able to understand that whole thing, you’re on crack!

Anyway I did my usual gambling lesson and it went pretty good. Having only 11 students in a class really brings a level of intimacy. The teacher and the students were really good in asking thoughtful questions. They were more thoughtful then the over used, “Shumi wa nan desu ka?” I even got a good laugh when one of the boys who weren’t listening called me Smith. HAHAHAHA, pretty funny huh? Also one more thing. So far out of the four schools I have visited there is always a new guy/girl that is in charge of one of the grade levels. I wonder if this happens every year. 2 of the 4 schools have this young lady that from the looks of it came right out of college. 1 of the remaining schools is a really young guy who just graduated from Washington State University. It usually makes for pretty interesting comments coming from the adolescent boys who have no control over their hormones.

I was walking around the very small campus when I stumbled onto a poster advertising first years to join an English club. I usually hear all the other junior high ALTs talking about English clubs but because all my schools are small a club just doesn’t exist. I was surprised to see on at this school seeming it looks the smallest of all the ones I have visit thus far. Would the native English language teacher be too cliché to in attempt to join the English.club? Would it be too weird to just hang out with the physical sport challenged, un-artistic, and the weirdoes of the school? Nah, got to go check it out. With some magic and a little bit of luck we can turn this “English Club” into a movie perhaps even an English video game club.

Ok fast forward to after school... I went to the English club just to check it out and all it is is a small room where 4 laptops are hooked up with kids practicing how to type in English. WHEN DOES THE FUN STOP?!

Break it DOWN

Antici...pation

I just bought some tickets to go home in the summer. I should be on a plane on August 12 and staying home until the 28th. I don't know why but every since I made the reservations I feel real anxious to go home. I mean, when was the last time you were away from home for 10 months? And with that said not just away from home but away from Hawaii, and America in general? The "coolness" of it goes away after about 2 months or so. I mean for people that go away for college must feel it too. Anyway the biggest thing about going home would be talking to people what its like to live in Japan, but on top of that I have this unquenchable desire to... EAT EVERYTHING I can think of. The cravings for Zippy's, Jack in the Box, fruit punch, Taco Bell, and "jus' local kine grinds" is driving me insane! Just thinking about it now is making my mouth water. Anyway just a little longer and then its CHOW TIME!

In school/work news just finished another week at Ikubun J.H.S, giving me two weeks experience in junior high. Actually funny story about Friday. I walked in the staff office thinking that it was gonna be a cruise day when the secondary teacher Ms. Sayaka Hiraiyu makes a B-line straight towards me. The look on her face says everything but "cruise day". She normal takes the primary teacher role for only the 7th graders, and the usual primary teacher Mr. Yamada teaches 8th and 9th grade. Anyway Ms. Hiraiyu comes to me and asks, "Do you know what the plans are for Mr. Yamada's classes today?" How am I, the assistant language teacher, who's main job is to be a tape recorder to read aloud passages in native English know what the plans are? I give her a shrug and ask why would I know. Apparently Mr. Yamada, who was perfectly fine the day before had something nasty to eat and was at home experiencing explosive diarrhea. So what does that mean? 2 lessons for the 8th graders and 2 lessons for 9th graders are lost in limbo. So Ms. Hiraiyu fractically tries to put a lesson together and comes to me seeking advice. Coming from an awesome elementary background I try to give her my best ideas. The difficult thing about junior high is that they have a textbook and it must be followed to the letter so just playing any old game to past the time is forbidden. This did slow us down a bit but it didn't stop us. Anyway I decided that if I were to make an ass out myself the lesson would go by quicker and the students would probably NOT mutiny. She didn't seem to object as long it has something to do with the current language function. Anyway the language function being "SUBJECT look/looks/looked Feeling and past present sentence structures I went in front of the class and gestured a certain "feeling" and the students answered with "you look/Chris looks/Chris looked ~~ and then I said "Yes, I am ~~ because I was ~~ . It was a little tiring and lame but the students got a show and the day wasn't a total loss.

One more funny thing. In the 9th grade class the students knowing that Mr, Yamada was not there they decided to act more demonic than usual. Standard "substitute teacher day." Anyway Ms. Hiraiyu is a really young teacher, like 22 right out of college in her first year. Anyway the students see her more as an older sister than a teacher and rarely take her seriously. Anyway the students weren't paying attention as usual when a girl, (girl that usually doesn't listen and your typical rebel girl) gets up and goes clearly to the other side of the room to talk to her friend. She gets her information and goes back to her seat. Then a moment later she walked up to Ms. Hiraiyu and whispers something into her ear. Ms. Hiraiyu listens carefully and then in a not very inconspicuous way reaches around her back and does something. Evidently the top pf her underwear was showing and the girl just told her. But the funny thing is that when everyone noticed Ms. Hiraiyu shift her pants they all looked at one boy in the back of the class. Supposedly he was the one that noticed it first and let everyone in the class know. Then everyone started ragging the kid about looking at Ms. Hiraiyu's butt/underwear. They were asking things like, "what are you doing looking there, are you checking out Ms, Hiraiyu, and what color was her underwear since you got a good look?" So what am I doing? Trying really hard not to laugh in the back of the class. Incase no one knew my mind stopped maturing at the age of 13.

Sorry for such a long post but there is one more thing. Yesterday we threw a surprise party for my friend Kevin. Well his birthday is really next Saturday AND the same as his girlfriend. Anyway Val being the devious woman she is planned a party without any signs of knowing by Kevin's part. She organized the whole day, inivitations, and had every angle covered so that when the time came to yell "SURPRISE" Kevin would had definitely shit his pants. Which he did. His face was so priceless and Krystal was keen enough to get it on video. It was a crazy party with people, booze, and Taiwan. Taiwan being so awesome we re-lived it again on the balcony.


Number of weeks in planning = 3
Cost of cell phone bill for planning = 5,000 Yen
Number of emergency text messages made = 22
Cost of "fake" but real dinner date to get Kevin out of the house = 6,000 Yen
Number of people hiding in the living room = 30
Number of lies told by Val to cover up surprise party = 238
Cost of seeing Kevin's face when he shit his pants = PRICELESS


Broke HIM down!

Work Sucks... I know

Man, Blink could not of said it any better. Coming back to work when all you did for the past week and a half was drink, work really does suck. I guess I shouldn't complain since the "work" is not hard to begin with.

This week I'm at another junior high school but its not too bad since it's one that I went to before the break. I'm still kind of self-conscious when it comes to be being "cool" in junior high but this week was much better than the first week. All the students in the hall seemed to remember my name and strike up conversations. The best part about this school is that I get to leave my house at 8:15 since its pretty close by bike. As long as I get there by 8:25 I'm sound as a pound. Another good thing is that the teacher decided to have me go to more 1st grade classes than 3rd. The 1st graders are a lot better than the 3rd graders when it come to English attitude. And having some alumni from my old elementary school students help too.

Interesting thing we did today was go shopping for some Yukatas. We made friends with a lady here that had some connections to a kimono distribution place. She invited to go a couple of weeks ago so how could we say no? Its like a wholesale distributor place that has passes their stuff to department store so we got them for really cheap. The yukata that I bought was only 4,000 yen, roughly 40 dollars. The girls' kimonos were even cheaper. I bought a dark navy blue one and I'm on the look out for some authentic wooven slipper things that would go really good with Japanese socks and maybe a .... KATANA? I feel like I'm gonna be set for the rest of life as far as Halloween costumes go when I come back home. I'm also gonna buy some authentic kendo gear which is basically samurai gear without the masks and breast plates. Another piece to my Japanese "stuff" collection.

Break it down

Kung Pao Chicken

Sorry for the delay… but without further adieu GOLDEN WEEK!

It was Golden Week last week, which is a weird spring to summer transitional week where everyone in Japan gets three holidays and with strategic vacation days can turn the three-day holiday into a 10-day week. So anyway some buddies and I went to…. TAIWAN! Why Taiwan you might ask? Well why not? Actually the real reason is because it was a popular week to go traveling and originally we wanted to go to Saipan but the tickets were all booked and the only available (cheap) place was Taiwan.

It was an AWESOME trip. It started out with me and two other guys but after a few days we were joined by the Frat boy Konopka and two FU-ers. (Fu meaning JET program participants that are placed in Kyoto-Fu (the countryside of Kyoto). The first three days we stayed in Taipei, one of two big cities in Taiwan. My reactions? It was humid, stinky, and expensive. It sounds pretty negative but that was what made the trip memorable. The first day we got there it was super humid. It reminded me of home but being in Japan, and their cold ass winters and 65 degree spring days, the Taiwanese 85 degree weather with 80% humidity was very uncomfortable. Nevertheless the trip started out great. We arrived in Taipei around 6 looking for a hostel or cheap hotel. We were starting to get worried when we spotted the YMCA. YMCA having a Christian ambience and the name of a disco gay anthem we were reluctant to go but the humidity was getting to us and we needed to drop our baggage. We signed up for a room and to our surprise it was really nice. It came with two single beds and a couch that rolls out to be a bed, a TV with cable, and our own personal bathroom. (One of my secret fears of the hostel was sharing a bathroom with foreigners you don’t know) Anyway it was nice. And for the three of us we paid about 500 Taiwanese dollars, which is 1500 yen, which is 15 dollars US for two nights.

After we got settled we went to explore the nightlife of Taipei. We hopped into a cab and through gestures asked the cab driver to take us to a place where we can get good food and drinks. With no fail the cab earned his fare and we were sitting in a Chinese restaurant enjoying Taiwanese beer and cuisine. * Side note: on my travels to Taiwan I was able to perfect my own style of Chinese-lingo. I traveled to Taiwan with Kevin from Atlanta and Dan from South Carolina. These two guys were not very Asian looking. So everywhere we went I was the Asian representative that knew of no Chinese (Mandarin or Cantonese or Taiwanese). Everywhere we went I was approached being the Asian representative and rapped at in Chinese only to answer them with “I don’t speak Chinese.” Ok anyway back to the trip. In Taipei we got to go to the Taiwan National Palace Museum (I think that’s the name) to view beautiful Chinese artifacts and paintings. The headline piece at the museum is the famous Jade Cabbage. A huge piece of jade that was constructed to look like Chinese cabbage. I ALSO don’t find the interesting point of this headline. Anyway it was a cool cultural thing to do. We also got to go to the Taipei 101, which was the tallest building in the world for a few years until just recently a building in Sri Lanka took the title. Nevertheless it was huge and the first 6 floors of it was a giant mall. A mall that we MEN did not go shopping but DID take advantage of the huge food court. We got to go to numerous bars and eateries as well as a few clubs.

Walking around the city the three us came to the conclusion that there are no HOT WOMEN in Taiwan. The Taiwanese women were very un-Japanese in figure and fashion sense. We labeled them as being “unglamorous.” But to our surprise the HOT WOMEN don’t walk around in the day, in the hot sun, sweating. No, no, no they come out at night to get their FREAK ON at the clubs. At the club we were surprised that the Taiwanese clubbers knew a lot of American pop songs. They sang along to all of them, but the thing was that the songs were all kind of old as in hits from two years ago. Which was perfect for us since we’ve been in Japan and have no idea who the latest pop sensations are. Anyway we befriended a bunch of punk rocker guys that loved head banging to Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, and etc. Being slightly intoxicated and wearing an Aloha shirt I became friends with the whole group of them. One guy who I have no idea what his name was but had the best shirt in the world, “Bitches & Sake”. We took this as our anthem for the evening and partied hard.

The next day we were off to Kenting, a beach town at the southern most tip of Taiwan. The train ride was about 3 and half hours but was smooth and very easy going. We took a train form Taipei to Kaoshung. And then from there we had to catch a bus to Kenting. This was the real crappy part of the trip since bus drivers DO NOT know how to drive smoothly. Half of our traveling party was carsick and one even blew chunks. The bus ride was 3 hours and the only entertainment we had was the movie Flight of the Phoenix with no sound. But we endured and good things come to those who wait. We finally got to Kenting and found a really good deal on a place and went to check out the strip.

Kenting is really small and it has only one road with shops on either side of the street. The street was no longer than going from Hamilton Library to Sinclair Library @ UH. But every inch of the road was covered with shops and street vendors. Because it was a beach town the main money source came from tourists so there were many Italian, Mexican, and Thai food restaurants. We spent five days in Kenting and we must have had Mexican at least 3 times.

Kenting was all about the beach. Each day was devoted to exploring a new beach, going, snorkeling, and scuba diving. I didn’t go scuba diving but went into the water almost everyday. My travel mates were confused to why I was enthusiastic to go to the beach being from Hawaii but I guess even I took it for granted and really missed the beach. I even learned how to shotgun a beer. Finishing a can of beer in less than three seconds is pretty awesome. On the scuba day Kevin and I didn’t want to go so we went on a scooter expedition around the southern tip of Taiwan. We rented scooters and went all over. We saw beautiful coastlines, mountains, and coastal forests. The scooter adventure is up there in the “Top 5” of best things I’ve done in Taiwan. I know that in Hawaii we make fun of the tourists on mopeds and scooters going around Waikiki, Diamond Head, and Makapu’u but the being on vacation it’s the most fun!

After 5 days at the beach we had to leave so it was another bus trip back to the nearest city and then DISASTER! They sold out of tickets to Taipei (where our airport was) for the train. We had to take another bus, which was 6 more hours on the road. The second bus trip wasn’t as bad since the seats were a lot more comfortable and more “Greyhound-esque.” Our last night in Taipei was not as action packed since we were broke, tired, hung over, and dreading the end of our awesome vacation. All we had time for was some Kung Pao chicken, Chaw-fan, and Taiwanese beer. The next day was completely devoted to traveling back to Japan and back to reality.

I would have to say, I had lots of fun. I went to Taiwan being excited but not expecting much. It turned out to be a lot of fun and something I will remember forever. Being able to count how many non-alcoholic drinks and estimating how big a pool you could fill with how much alcohol you drank means that the vacation was just that, a VACATION. Would I go again? As long as there’s bitches & sake, hot women, and beach what more could you ask for…HELL YEAH!

Broke down....